Coming Out, It’s Your Destiny

Sexuality and Your Ori
March 30, 2021
Intimate Relationships Ifa
Intimate Relationships and Ifa
May 26, 2021

Older gay man coming out of the closet.


Last month we covered sexuality as an important destiny choice. This month let’s explore coming out. What are the destiny implications of not openly expressing your truth? It can misalign you with your destiny path.

Living deepens our understanding of ourselves. Often in a series of awakening moments. For queer people, one of the most powerful of these is realizing that we’re different. For most of us, it happens much earlier than one might think.

How you deal with being different depends on the environment you were raised in. If you received affirming messages about people like you, you were empowered to shine. But, most of us face rejection, even hate, for being who we are. The most well-meaning caregivers can unknowingly oppress us. The resulting fear, and shame, leads to hiding, with implications for our mental, and spiritual, health.

Hiding can become our primary coping mechanism. It impacts every aspect of our lives. Some of us even hide from ourselves. Rejecting the truth of our Ori severely limits our ability to develop spiritually. The consequences can be extreme. We can’t be anything other than we are. We can’t fulfill our chosen destiny if we’re striving to be someone else.

What does this have to do with coming out? Our path out of shame, and self-loathing, is accepting our truth. First with ourselves, then sharing with other people.

Coming out wisely is important. Before you take a step out of the closet take a look at the implications to your life. There are many places where coming out is still an important gesture. The courage to do it in those circumstances must be applauded. But, that isn’t everybody’s path. How, when, and with whom you’re open is a deeply personal choice. There are many legitimate reasons to hold back. But, before you decide to stay in the closet take a serious look at your motivation.

If being open would put you in danger then, by all means, stay safe. If you’re still dependent on your family and they might react badly, stay put. Putting your life at risk isn’t worth it unless you’re making the choice for good reasons. I’ve counseled several young men to wait until they were safely independent before coming out.

Ultimately your path forward is up to you. When you decide to start, find an ally. Someone who is safe, who will support you, and who will give you some perspective on the other people in your life. I usually recommend someone outside your immediate family but there are exceptions. Make sure it’s someone who can keep quiet and let you take the lead. You should be in charge. Your ally can be almost anyone you’re close to, even a therapist, or coach.

When you’re ready to start telling people, take your time. But, recognize that people will only keep quiet for so long. Some of us prefer to be “outed” once the most important people know. I’d personally prefer to be in control of the situation. Even if there are negative reactions, you’ll feel more powerful being open. Diversity is the hallmark of Olodumare’s creation. Honor that by honoring yourself.

If you’d like some help sorting through the challenges of coming out, or if you’d like me to be that critical ally, then join me for a Life Path Discovery session. In this complimentary session, we’ll explore what Ifa has to say about you, and your unique path through life. We’ll look at the energy that shows up in your relationship path to help you manage the process in a way that aligns with your destiny. You can sign up here.